The truth about the five love Languages and what they really mean

Gary Chapman wrote a fantastic book called The Five Love Languages.

You can take the assessment online to find out what your love language is.

It’s a straightforward method for determining who you are and what you want in a relationship.

Attached is a great book that teaches you your attachment style for those of you who really want to get to know yourself better. I wholeheartedly recommend it to anyone who wishes to go further and deeper into this thing known as love. 。

Anyway, here are five love languages for those of you who haven’t been around for the last 15 years:

Volunteer service

Gifts

Physical contact

Words of encouragement

Spending quality time

Why Understanding YOUR Love Language Is Critical

There’s a reason for the FIVE. You wish they were all completely equal, but they aren’t, and each one means something different.

I strongly advise you to visit the five love languages website and determine your love language, because you may be a little bit of everything. However, one of them may strike a deeper chord with you than the others.

And knowing that one is critical because if you’re in a relationship with someone who doesn’t know how to fulfil and satisfy that love language, you’re going to have a very frustrating relationship.

I once dated a woman who believed she was loving and affectionate.

She was most likely the most unloving and unaffectionate woman I’d ever met in my life. She irritated me beyond belief. She would never give in, no matter what I explained or how I explained it to her, no matter how much I need and desire physical touch, no matter how nice I was about it.

Even after we finished reading The Five Love Languages together, she had an epiphany and exclaimed, “Oh my god, you need words of affirmation and physical touch!”

Nonetheless, she refused to give me words of affirmation or physical touch.

That’s the issue with dating a narcissist. A narcissist is obsessed with themselves. And guess what? Maybe I’ll write a book called The 5 Non-Love Languages of the Narcissist as a follow-up.

However, that narcissism was only part of the problem. Because our love languages were completely different in the end. That meant that, no matter who she was or how wonderful she was, she was not what I desired and deserved in love.

So, let’s take a closer look at the love languages and what they mean.

Quality Time is the most important love language.

When you think about it, the one thing we give and never have enough of is time.

I’ve discovered that people who devote quality time to others tend to have values that are aligned with their own.

They understand the true meaning of time. When they are present for you and give you that time, it shows that they value and respect your time.

They are well-balanced.

It’s critical in a relationship to be present and give each other quality time. That’s how I am with my daughter. I don’t have much time with her, but when I do, I make sure she gets quality dad time (Gary Chappman also goes into the love languages of fathers and daughters, and mothers and sons, and mothers and daughters).

Physical Touch is the second most important love language.

Warning: This is one of my love languages.

I enjoy physical contact. It’s so simple. It’s also the simplest to express. Sitting on a couch with your lover, touching and holding hands.

It’s so refreshing, passing each other in the living room, bumping into each other and just hugging, cuddling up in bed, holding hands when you walk, a kiss, a hug, a touch.

Physical touch is reserved for those who are extremely relaxed. They live a very straightforward life. They don’t mind because they know how lovely it is to be touched, and they stick to it.

They don’t limit touch and don’t ration it at all.

Acts of Service are the third love language.

Acts of service have no meaning for me. It is not one of my love languages.

Acts of service, on the other hand, are cool, fun, and extremely important to so many people.

I enjoy performing acts of service. It is extremely important to me to do wonderful things for others. I think it’s a really nice thing to show up and make someone’s life easier, whether it’s taking out the garbage, emptying the dish washer, doing the dishes, or picking up an errand for them on their way to the house.

If your partner is an act of service person, make sure you are always making their life easier, and that you are consistent.

They adore it, and it makes them feel fantastic.

Gifts are the fourth love language.

I couldn’t care less about gifts.

I enjoy giving gifts. It’s enjoyable to bring flowers, candles, and body lotion to someone’s home. It’s a lot of fun.

But let me tell you something: gifts mean nothing to me.

At the same time, if you’re with someone who brings gifts, you should know that small gestures mean a lot to them. When you go to their house, showing up with a small gift makes them feel loved. It really is that easy.

Words of Affirmation are Love Language #5.

As a complete giver, things like humility and “thank you” are important to me.

Those are encouraging words.

I’m all about simply telling someone how I fell. The more I understand how someone is feeling, the better it feels to be a part of their life.

It’s fantastic. I’m a giver who enjoys saying thank you. I enjoy both hearing and saying those words.

You’re incredible. You’re fantastic. You’re amazing. I appreciate it when you share that with me.

All day, I feed off words of affirmation. On a daily basis, I refer to it as the emotional recap.

I feel really good when I’m with someone who is really fucking good like that.

And that’s exactly what someone requires when their love language is affirmation. Show them and tell them how much you appreciate them.

So there you have it, the five love languages.