Why Not Getting Her Phone Number Is A Huge Win

For those of you who have followed me, I call this moment the carrot grow moment.

Let me tell you a story for those of you who don’t.

I was in Whole Foods in Brentwood, Los Angeles, not long ago.

It was a Tuesday evening.

I was doing my usual thing; every time I walked into that Whole Foods, I was looking for someone to flirt with. That’s how I trained my brain, and it’s critical that men and women train their brains in the same way.

We’ve trained our brains to look at our phone screens all the time. These were simpler times, in a faraway land, when everyone was still innocent and not addicted to their phones.

I walked in and did the usual check down each gangway to see who was there because it seemed efficient to me. I’d get my food, hopefully connect with someone, go on a great date, and possibly meet my future girlfriend.

Again, attitude is everything. I didn’t walk in there staring at my phone and ignoring people like people do nowadays.

Is my point clear? Good.

She was right there. She was inspecting the carrots.

I noticed something, as I always do. I wanted to talk to her, but like any normal man, instead of thinking of a pickup line, I let my brain and creativity notice something. I took a deep breath, as I always do, and noticed that she was having difficulty getting carrots into a bag.

I walked over with assurance. I’m not afraid to talk to someone because she’s just another woman — a person. She’s on the same level as you. She’s not a fantasy, she’s not someone I have to prove myself to, she’s just a normal being, and that’s how I always speak to everyone, whether it’s a girl, an old man, an old woman, or a child. Simply make a difference.

I don’t have any of the sexual escalation issues that people are so concerned about. I only know that I’m attempting to establish a human-to-human connection.

She’s having trouble getting the carrots into a plastic bag.

She couldn’t open the plastic bag.

“Allow me,” I said as I looked at her.

I touched the carrots, wet my fingers, drew a new bag down, and after wetting my fingers, I was able to open the bag. I shook it open, held it open for her, and let her fill it with carrots.

We exchanged stares because it was one of those moments when you know you have an instant attraction to someone. I told her it was one of my greatest abilities; it was my superhero power. That sort of thing.

We talked a little more before walking away.

It was impossible for me to believe. I actually walked away from someone I was very interested in.

So, what did I do after that? I quickly gathered my belongings. I joined the line behind her, two people back.

She smiled and said hello once more. I returned the greeting with a smile. Between us, the little old lady and the man? It was, after all, a buffer zone. I let that intimidate or prevent me from having a conversation.

She swiped her credit card, paid her bill, and exited. As she walked away, she smiled and waved to me one more time. What exactly did I do?

I didn’t do anything. I didn’t chase her down, I didn’t suggest that we go out, I didn’t do anything.


I ran into her in a bar a few weeks later. She entered the room. My carrot girl, I said as a friend hugged her. He goes yeah, she’s amazing. I asked, “Who’s the dude?” hoping it was a long-term boyfriend and that we just had a flirtatious man-woman moment and nothing more.

He looked at me and said, she just met him, two days ago, and they really hit it off. She’s been looking for a relationship for quite some time. She’s very forthcoming. And I looked at him, said yes, and told him about the carrot girl. He looked at me and said, “You blew it,” and I admitted that I had.

We’ve all heard these stories, and we’ve all met our carrot girl.

But instead of thinking you blew it, you should recognise that you’ve arrived.

It alters your mindset in every way.

How many times has the team that lost the AFC or NFC championship game the previous year gone on to win the Super Bowl? Did they blow the AFC championship game, or did they take their mindset and realise they had arrived?

It all comes down to realising you’ve arrived. It all boils down to you developing your mindset.

It all depends on how you determine the outcome. Yes, you messed up. But, once again, reframe it and tell yourself: I’m ready. I’m prepared to date the most attractive woman I can find. I’m no longer going to date what I’ve been accepting.

I can flirt with attractive women and they will respond to me.

Beautiful women are interested in me.

Beautiful women lust after me.

Gorgeous women adore me.

Beautiful women respond to me as the magical, amazing version of myself that I am.

That’s how you should reframe it. Don’t berate yourself. Take a look at the recent victory. Because there was a significant victory. Embrace that victory, and then notice how you can now approach beautiful women with ease, and how the next one you’ll ask out with confidence because you had a win rather than a loss.


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