Bars. Obviously not the most romantic setting for a first date. But if it occurs, it occurs, right?
How many times have you gone out and the only guys you talked to all night were self-absorbed players, Mr. Socially Awkward, or a normal guy-who ruined it by having to get drunk to come talk to you? Not to mention the creepy stalker guy who follows you and your friends around for the majority of the night.
But there are some great men out there who enjoy going to bars on weekends. So why not take advantage of the situation and ensure that when you put yourself out there, you attract the right type of guy rather than always the wrong type of guy?
If you’re having difficulty meeting the right kind of men, chances are it has a lot to do with the energy you’re exuding.
Eye contact is crucial. You can’t afford to be too passive. It may sound romantic to let things happen by chance, but the good ones will not appear out of nowhere or fall right into your lap with the perfect words to sweep you off your feet. When you’re out late at night (or anywhere, really) and you’re huddled around not showing any men that you’re interested,
You’ll be approached by two types of guys: the overly macho guy who is overcompensating in order to get some action tonight, and the overly wimpy guy who worked up the courage to approach you but now can’t find the right words.
What you really want is the middle-of-the-road guy. The problem is, unless you give him the right signals, that guy will rarely approach you. Guys are more oblivious to a woman’s signals than you can imagine, according to male psychology.
How to Approach Men in Bars
That means that giving a guy a quick glance for about 0.25 seconds and then looking away won’t suffice. That guy will never approach you because he isn’t interested. What you need to do is choose a guy you like and LOOK AT HIM WITH A NICE SMILE. I’m talking for several seconds, until it appears abnormally long.
After that, you can look away, but then return to him and smile for a LONG TIME. And then some. Don’t worry, you won’t come across as desperate. Men, as previously stated, are notoriously slow at picking up on signals. Maybe he’s getting the picture by now.
If he’s still looking at you, he’s interested, but he might not realise it’s safe to come over just yet. You may have to look at him four or five times before he comes over. If he hasn’t walked over by then, he doesn’t have the guts at the moment, so move on to the next guy.
Similarly, if you’re walking by a guy who catches your eye, don’t just give him a quick glance and then keep walking in the hopes that he’ll come after you. Look at him as you walk by, take a deep breath, then turn around and smile at him over your shoulder.
It’s the same principle in either case: the key is to look at him several times before turning your back. If you do this, the guy you want will rarely approach you. In fact, most men secretly hope that you will approach them!
Practice not getting stuck in what I call “social constipation mode,” where we suddenly start worrying about what everyone else is thinking about us, we forget to let loose and smile, and we end up with this emotionless constipated look on our faces.
Take the time to make genuine eye contact with a guy to show him you’re interested. Have a good time, smile, and laugh wherever you go. It doesn’t have to be overly sexy or seductive; any inviting smile will suffice—nothing fancy is required. Many women are unaware of how attractive a genuine feminine smile can be to a man.
