So you’re dating a guy, and the first few weeks are crucial. You met him, exchanged phone numbers, went on your first date, and are now officially dating. You like this guy and are wondering what you can do (or avoid doing) to keep this relationship going without scaring him away.
If you do any of these six things during the first month of dating someone and put him under any kind of pressure, he will flee. Don’t sabotage a potentially great relationship that could have taken off by scaring a man off right away.
So, here are six dating behaviours that are guaranteed to turn men off that all women should avoid in order to never sabotage another potentially wonderful relationship:
- Insulting Your Ex. Never make fun of an ex-boyfriend in front of a guy you’re dating. Don’t ever trash talk your ex, whether you’re on your first or fifteenth date with a guy. You had a relationship with your ex. Your ex is someone you chose to be in your life. Your ex is someone you spent a lot of time with and got to know.
So, don’t talk negatively about your ex in any way, because the man you’re currently dating will hear you talking negatively about your ex, and all he’ll think about is himself in your ex’s place one day. He will believe that if he ever becomes your ex, you will harbour the same level of animosity towards him and trash talk him to other men.
So, when a man asks you about your ex, the only thing you should say is “We are no longer together. It was a wonderful relationship that taught me a lot.” That’s all. Furthermore, the fact that you are still trashing your ex indicates that you are not ready to move on with another relationship.
- There is an epidemic of paranoia. You’re dating a guy you really like, and things are going swimmingly for the first few weeks. Then, all of a sudden, he has a boys’ night out planned with some of his coworkers. So, what are you going to do? Before he goes out, you send him a text that says, “Have a great time tonight!” You are now the cool woman you aspire to be.
Then, as the night goes on, the girlfriends you’re hanging out with plant seeds of doubt in your mind about what he’s doing, and you begin to wonder, “Is he cheating on me? Is he having extramarital affairs? What is he up to? “What is his current location?”
Then you make one of the most common mistakes women make: you send him another text asking him, “What’s up? “What are you doing now?” “Having fun with my friends,” he’ll say.
Then you make a huge mistake: you start texting him constantly throughout the rest of the evening to check in on him. The “checking up” will be driven by paranoia that the guy is doing something other than having fun with his friends, not by a desire to see if he is having fun.
This type of paranoia will drive a man away as quickly as anything else. Respecting a man’s “guy time” when he’s out with his friends will make you the cool woman he’s always wanted to find.
- Slandering Other Women. Women make a huge mistake when they trash talk other women in front of the man they’re dating. For example, you’re out with him at a restaurant when a woman in a skimpy short skirt walks by your table. What are so many women doing? They’ll look at her and exclaim, “Look how slutty that woman is!” I can’t believe she’s wearing it – I can’t believe she’d wear it out in public!”
When you make comments like this to a guy you’re dating, you’re telling him that you’re not confident in your appearance. It tells him you don’t love yourself and haven’t accepted your body.
You are sowing seeds of doubt in his mind, making him wonder if he should date someone more confident. Don’t disparage other women. It does not make you appear cool; rather, it makes you appear extremely insecure.
- Seeking Compliments. Stop seeking compliments. This is enough to drive a man insane. Here’s an example of a typical scenario: “You really look beautiful tonight!” exclaims the guy you’re dating. You look at him ten minutes later and ask, “How do I look tonight?” Another common scenario is when you tell a guy you really like him, and he responds by smiling and giving you a nice little hug and kiss. After ten minutes, you ask him, “Well, do you like me as well?”
A lot of women will do things like this all the time. Many women in relationships will feel as if they express their feelings while the guy they’re dating does not. Stop seeking compliments. Genuine compliments are given from the heart. Allow us to compliment you when we feel it is appropriate. If we don’t feel it right away after you express it to us, just accept it and be okay with it.
A compliment is something you should give to someone without reservation. Every time you compliment us and then seek a return compliment, it means that all of your nice compliments come with strings attached.
- Obsessive and clingy. Don’t be needy or possessive. This is somewhat related to #2. Allow a man to go out with his friends when he goes out with his friends. You are not required to do everything together. You’re still learning about him. Find out what he enjoys doing that you enjoy doing as well, and do those things together.
But if there are things he enjoys doing that simply do not interest you, accept it. For example, if you don’t like to jet ski but he does, just sit on the beach and relax while he does. You are not required to be joined at the hip.
If you’re going to a cocktail party with him, you don’t have to hover over him at all times. If you see him speaking with a woman at the party, don’t rush over and start grabbing his hand and hugging him. Do not keep doing this all night. When you do this, you are being clingy and possessive. When you are clingy, we will want to get rid of you as soon as possible. We dislike clingy and possessive behaviour, so please avoid it.
Pushing His Friends On Him. The last thing we want to do is force friends on us too soon. Women will be hanging out with a guy on the first or second date and say to him “Oh my God, you HAVE to meet my friends Jenna and Amy. You should also meet my friends Phil and Anne; they’re a fantastic couple who you’ll adore!” When a man hears this, he thinks to himself, “I don’t even know you yet – can I get to know you for a month or two before I have to go meet all of your friends and be displayed as ‘the boyfriend?!'”
We are not interested in becoming “the boyfriend” right away. We’d like to get to know you gradually. We’d like to find out more about you. Believe me, once we like and get to know you, we will be eager to get to know all of your friends.
During the first few weeks of dating you, however, we don’t want to be taken to parties and paraded around like the instant boyfriend. There is too much pressure. Allow yourself some time to get to know each other.
Following these guidelines will assist you in getting past the first month of a new relationship with a man and avoiding some of the major pitfalls that can end a new relationship before it even begins. Be the cool woman you truly are so that we can embrace you. Be self-assured. Don’t scare us away before we’ve gotten to know you!
