Anyway, while cell phones, iPhones, and BlackBerrys provide us with convenience, there is one major drawback: our constant attention to them may be wreaking havoc on our love lives. There are many people who give their cell phone, iPhone, or BlackBerry their undivided attention throughout the day. Those people are missing out on opportunities to meet new people every day, and may not be meeting anyone at all.
By the way, these are most likely the same people who send me emails every day complaining that they never see anyone to meet with. The irony is that those people are being truthful when they say they don’t see anyone to meet… but that isn’t because no one is there. They have been subjected to “self cell phone sabotage.”
I don’t want any of you to be sabotaging your chances of meeting new people because of your cell phone.
So, to help you recognise if you are unknowingly killing your love life through “self cell phone sabotage,” here are six ways your phone could be ruining your dating life:
- You’re putting a stop to them Mid-Approach: You’re in a shop when you notice someone looking at you – someone you’ve also noticed and found attractive. Then someone decides to approach you, but the moment they take their first step towards you, your phone rings…
and you respond. You not only answer it, but you then engage in the same unimportant repetitive conversation with the friend who called you. By doing so, you have prevented someone who was already interested in you from approaching – and they are unlikely to do so again.
- You’re Completely Programmed: Imagine you’re in the same store, and the same person you were drawn to walks right by you and smiles just as you receive a text message on your phone. What are you going to do?
Instead of responding to what’s going on around you by smiling, you react like Pavlov’s dog to the “ding” of an incoming text and immediately look at your phone to see who texted you.
Not only did you miss the person to whom you WERE attracted smiling at you, but by failing to acknowledge their smile, that person will assume you are uninterested and will walk away (and likely never smile at you again).
- You’re Never “Here”: You could be out with a group of friends in a great location full of people you’d like to meet. Instead of being present and conversing with those around you, you spend the entire time and devote 100% of your attention to a full-fledged conversation with another friend via text message on your BlackBerry.
Meanwhile, a man or woman you may have been interested in approaches your group and begins talking to them. You are so engrossed in your text message conversation that you are unaware he or she is present. If you do not acknowledge that person, they will assume you are uninterested and will leave.
- You Never Look: It’s not that you never leave the house. Every day, you go to the grocery store, the gym, the bookstore, the coffee shop, or the dry cleaners. So when I hear people say they “never see anyone” to meet, I know they’re not “seeing” anyone because they’re not looking.
Why aren’t people looking if they want to meet people so badly? Many people never stop checking their email, making business calls, doing Internet research, and sending text messages because they allow you to do virtually everything right from the palm of their hand. As a result, even when they are out and about, they miss everything (and everyone) around them. They also never interact with others; they never look at, smile at, or flirt with them. Is it any surprise they haven’t met anyone?
- You Turn Your Date Into A “Third Wheel”: You meet someone you think you might like and go on a date with them. So there you are, enjoying their company and sensing a fantastic potential connection. The red light on your phone starts flashing or vibrating, alerting you that a text message has been received. What are you going to do?
Despite the fact that you’re on a great date, you can’t stop yourself from picking up your phone to see who sent you that text. When you do this, you immediately turn off the person you’re on a date with. Nobody enjoys having their date’s attention diverted by text messages, and nobody enjoys the feeling that their date’s attention is not entirely focused on them. Your date will be treated as a “third wheel.” You’ve also demonstrated to your date that your phone will always be your first priority.
- You’re Always Available But Never Free: When someone tells me that they don’t get approached or that they never “see” anyone to meet with, I know that the majority of the time this is due to the person not making themselves available.
People who are glued to their cell phone, BlackBerry, or iPhone are “available” in the sense that they are in places where they can meet people, but they are never truly free. People avoid approaching them because they always appear to be preoccupied with something on their phone. They will also miss out on potential networking opportunities because they never look up from their phones.
So, while I appreciate the flexibility and convenience that my BlackBerry provides in allowing me to conduct so many of my business and personal affairs from ANYWHERE, I want to caution everyone not to let them take over your entire life. You may be unknowingly killing your dating life by doing so.
Begin to be aware of how much time you spend glued to your phone, and try to avoid behaviours like these.
Consider how many people you may have overlooked who wanted to meet YOU. Start paying attention to what’s going on around you in real time. You’ll never guess what (or who) you’ve been missing!
